As it drizzles...
There had been a time in my life when I've submerged into darkness, dwelled in its shallowness, and isolated myself with covered eyes. I had never been so open about anything at that time. All that I did was just superficial. Perhaps, I might entitle myself as a "Pretender". Everything about me, mysteries of my actions, was kept covert. Longing came and had gone, and left pain hanging, unmended by the denials of my truths. Innocence was what they see in me yet it's that innocence that I deprived myself of. People really didn't know what's beyond my past and the reasons of my actions. I had isolated and made barriers that kept me aloof to everyone (though it's not so obvious). I had been weak and coward to reveal myself to the world, fearing that letting them know me might make my efforts to rend asunder.
And now that I have build my courage to accept my truths, everything and everyone seemed to cooperate. Everything seems to fall in its perfect place. I am grateful that I have found TRUE FRIENDS whom I will treasure. I had never been this grateful before. Thanks guys for having you in my life, and for sharing with me your life. You saved me from isolation and helped me improve. I have learned so many things in you. I can't really express my gratitude coz I'm just starting to learn to express myself so openly.
But now, though the streetlights sparks through the grimy streets of my life, I am again trapped in the middle of the night. I feel so worthless. I don't know what I'm doing and what I need to do. Many disturbing thoughts conquer my mind. I don't know my reason for existence, my purpose to strive, my philosphy in life, my goals and my rules that I will stick on to. Everything seems to be so shallow. I don't know how to write anymore. I don't know where I am going, and where does my way lead to. I have lost my direction. I'm lost. I'm crazy... whahehehe...
And as it drizzles, I hope my tears will follow and alleviate these laments.
"Tonight, I shall dance in fire... burn my soul and frozen heart!"
(PLS. FORGIVE MY GRAMMAR... I'M NOT GOOD AT IT... WHAHEHEHE)
Posted by constip8edwriter at 07:57 AM .
Hey!
Hey guyz.. forgive me if ever I'm not updating my blog... it's just so happen that I'm to lazy to update... and there are so many things that i'm thinking right now that would be better be personal... whaeheheh... sorry!
Nweiss, don't worry coz i'll be updating whenever I have time and words to verbalize what I really feel.
Posted by constip8edwriter at 04:31 AM .
I'm proud of my dad!
Hello anak! It's nice to hear from you again. I really appreciate your
sharing with me your thoughts and current predicaments in life. This
is what I wanted to happen long time ago to have an open communication line between you and me. There were so many instances that I tried but, because you were still very young then and your perspectives in life was different, I did not pursue it rather just let time go by and take its natural course.
I believe your perceptions have changed in a mature way because you are thinking now of your future, of what you want be and of what you want to do in life. You are now beginning to see the bigger picture. You see things differently and view life in a mature and pragmatic way.
Dilemmas are a part of life that you cannot avoid. You have to
face itsquarely and make a choice. You have to evaluate and rationalize all the options available considering the impact it will have, the benefits, your future, your dreams and for the betterment of all.
Both professions are noble. But, which one is up to you. We can only
giveadvice and guide you. The decision is yours and rest assured we would support you all the way.
I know there is a part of you saying and telling you to be a
medical practioner but when you evaluate the factors and your ability, you realize
that you are not interested in science or science is not interested in
you. On the other hand, there is the other side telling you that could be an accomplished lawyer because you believe that you are capable of being so to which I fully agree. There is no question in my mind about it.
If you would ask me, I believe your first choice is to be a medical
doctor. This is your dream and you already have plan on how to accomplish your dream of becoming a very good doctor. However, in my analysis you are having second thoughts because you feel or believe that you are not good in science subjects and you are afraid that you might fail. Right? Well, let me tell you something. It is good that you realized your deficiencies in science. But, what you do about it is what matters. If you do not do anything to fill in the gaps, your dreams will not come into realization.
If you really desire to be a doctor then do something about. I know
you are a fighter and the more the fighter is beaten blue and black he strives more and try to improve his skills and tactics. Are you going to give up your dreams without a fight?
My piece of advice is for you to do some more soul searching.
Know yourself; evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, and what you want to do with your life. What matters is a career that would make you a fulfilled person, a life that you want to have and a pre-occupation that you like and enjoy doing the rest of your life.
Once you have made your decision, focus your strength and efforts
towards the achievement of your dreams. Do not waste your time. You cannot turn back the clock. Time is so precious. Every minute counts! Once you attained your goal, you will have all the time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and live a happy and fulfilled life.
Good luck son! May God enlighten you and show you the way, may He protect and guide you along the path.
Love and Kisses!
Daddy
Posted by constip8edwriter at 12:47 PM .
I feel so depressed
I don't know why I feel so depressed... maybe my mood shifted... but I am worried about what will I feel next. I've experienced this kind of depression in my 4th year in highschool... and it really sucks! It is aggravating in the soul and a sinister in the mind... I'm doing good in my academics but I fear that if that feeling would return, I can't be able to concentrate well on my studies. The only advantage there is that I will be able to write more literary works again... and that's my passion. But I would rather sacrifice that kind of motivation than not to be able to transfer to UP. I really need to transfer in that university. I don't care if I sound too ambitious coz it motivates me to work harder in order to reach my dreams...
I have changed... I'm not the person I was. For some, I have changed for the worst but for me I have changed for the better. I am not the inferior one that people used to know... I may be quiet at times but beware if I set my wings... Truly, it is thorugh inferiority that motivates a person to become superior.
Posted by constip8edwriter at 02:11 AM .
Ang Korni nito!
Why is it always unfair? There are people always left behind... trapped in these 4 corners, bound to seat in its imperial throne. It's not responsibility, rather, the need to do so. It is a game of chances, a game where every attempt leads to failure or success, and that for every sweat their body secrete or for every tear they shed, time still judges its forthcoming. Success is only when you are able to unleash your burden and be able to move on. But those left behind will keep on asking the same question: "Bakit ba ayaw lumabas ng tae ko?!?!?!"
Don't worry... there's always a second chance.
*Ang korni no! Ok lang... at least dagdag din yan sa literary works ko. Kasi may dare kammi ng bestfriend ko... paramihan ng magagawang bagong literary works... prose and poetry. Kung sino ang pinakaonti, siya ang manlilibre sa pagkain sa sinehan... magbibilang nga pala ng mga nagawa sa mismong araw na magmall kami.
Posted by constip8edwriter at 08:49 AM .